Breaking Free

"Once upon a time,
I dreamt I was a butterfly...
Suddenly I awoke...
Now, I do not know whether I was then
a man dreaming I was a butterfly,
or whether I am now a butterfly
dreaming that I am a man."

Chuang Tzu (c.360 BC - c. 275 BC)

This week's Rainbow Dreams coaxes me to look deep within. It asks:

As you emerge from your cocoon of transformation
note your true colours.

What is happening in your life right now?

For anyone who has been following my journey, you will know that I've been working with life coach Gayla Maxwell for the past couple of months.

This journey has been quite incredible for me. I have realised that for a number of years now I've been hiding out in my cocoon, frightened to emerge, frightened of my true colours.

Gayla's been coaxing me out of my nice, warm, 'safe' cocoon. Truth be told I really didn't feel safe there anymore, but for me it was better the devil I know ...

I've done a lot of work on myself over these past years, however was unsure of how to bring it all together. There was a part of me that couldn't accept the fact that I might fail, and then where would I be - exposed to the world with no where to hide!

But as my confidence has grown, and my ability to see beyond my own limitations and fears, I unfurled one feeler out and then the other. Once i realised that I was safe, I was able to spread my wings and break free of the cocoon which had become my self-imposed prison.

I've shed the need for approval, and now stand tall in my own truth and integrity.

People who were once afraid of me, are now drawn to me as they see my real colours for the first time.

I am a butterfly, a beautiful, colourful butterfly that has learnt to fly.

Sacred Meditation ~ My Sacred Life Day 9

I've been working a lot with Gayla Maxwell of late: her book, her meditation CD, and personal coaching.

On her Permission to Let Go cd, Gayla has recorded some wonderful guided mediations. My favourite is the Candle Meditation which goes for around 17 minutes, its relaxation techniques help me to reconnect to more core.

I'm enjoying this journey I've been taking with Gayla. I've grown in so many different directions.

Increasingly I am noticing the changes. I'm more confident, relaxed and at peace.

I am blessed.

I stumble upon a rubais by Rumi:

"how could anyone

who plays with you

ever be sad?

how could anyone

whom your light turns into sun

ever by gloomy?

how could the secrets of the world stay secret

from anyone who becomes your best friend?"

This is who I am becoming.

Mirror, mirror ....

Original Photo by Leonie Allan 2006 Warholized in 2007

The past week has been very powerful for me.I saw Gayla last Friday, and it stirred up so much for me. It was incredibly confronting, but at the same time empowering.

Light bulbs have been going off inside me for over a week now, interestingly though, I lost my voice.

Now being a student of the chakras, I'm quite aware that often when we are not speaking our truth, there is something that we're not saying in our lives, it often manifests as a physical ailment ~ in my case I believe its because I've been procrastinating on commencing some homework Gayla assigned me.

It seems pretty simple. She asked me to list 5 things which identify me. Sounds easy huh? Well no. I have found this task something I have found easier to run from than face it head on. But I guess if I want to find my voice again, both figuratively and literally, its something I must face.

So let's start with the definition of the word 'identity':

Main Entry: iden·ti·ty
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural -ties

1 : the distinguishing character or personality of an individual
2 : the relation established by psychological identification

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

There are many words I can use to describe myself. I am affectionate, cheerful, and caring. Others see me as passionate, playful, gentle and confident.

While these adjectives describe me accurately, they are only abstract versions of me.

Adjectives cannot begin to describe me and I acknowlege these descriptions for what they are, a condensed translation from my outward self to the world.

It is impossible for anyone to understand me completely because nobody has experienced the things I have, in the way I have.

My identity is something only I can define.

Think of a stacking doll. Each outer doll removed reveals another; smaller and more vulnerable than the previous. With each section combined there is a whole, but with only a section you cannot see the doll in it’s entirety and it is impossible to see whether another is hiding inside.

One's identity is similar. With little knowlege of a person it is impossible to know what is inside and whether there is more to see.

Identity is broader than one word definitions, different aspects such as feelings and memories contribute. In order to get the full sense of who a person is, the inner layers must be revealed.

The outer layer is how people see me, but the problem with characterisations and first impressions is that I don’t give an accurate perception of the real me.

Its not that I don’t like who I am, it’s more that I don't like what others think I am.

I used to spend my time focusing solely on work. Late last year I realised that I based my identity on who I was at work, what I achieved and how well-liked I was.

But one day it dawned on me that I had lost my identity and was left without any particular interests or characteristics that stand me apart.

That realisation scared the hell out of me. I literally woke up one day and realised that work took the place of my passions, and I relied on others to make me happy.

I had lost touch with myself. I let others shape me. This was certainly not my identity.

One of my favourite quotes is from Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world...As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

The part of me that sums up my identity best is not the adjectives given to me by family and friends, or the faults I find in myself.

So what are the five things that IDENTIFY me:

1. My identity is my desire to better myself
   
   
2. My identity is who I want to be and what I do to accomplish my goals
   
   
3. My identity is the feelings and emotions I pour into my journal every day, and the way I feel when I do something right.
   
   
4. My identity is not what others think of me or what I think of myself after a bad day.
   
   
5. My identity is the love and confidence I have in myself, and the beauty inside.

Kaleidoscopic dreams

My horoscope was very interesting today. It said:

Your love life is a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors today, dear Leo, full of complicated patterns and ever-changing displays of beauty. Everywhere you turn, a new perspective is revealed, and you learn something new about yourself and the people you are involved with. Remain open to the idea of partnership on multiple levels in which you experience different levels of commitment with different people. Every color is needed to make a complete rainbow.

I don't usually follow my horoscope, but this caught my eye. I feel my life changing. My world is being turned upside down and everything is topsy-turvy - but in a good way.

I met with Gayla on Friday. During our sessions it felt like a million lightbulbs were popping in my mind. She helped me change some of my old beliefs and to see things from a new perspective.

An old friend has come back into my life, for what reason, I'm not too sure. But he is welcome - I've missed him.

For the first time in a long time, I am emotionally available.

So I'll just sit back and wait for this adventure to unfold, and I thank you for sharing it with me!

Sun-shiny day

It was a better day today.

I've smudged (I even smudged my office!), and bought my favourite flowers - pink oriental lillies, their sweet perfume wafts through my home.

It was a beautiful winter's day. I'm in a more positive frame of mind.

Tonight I randomly opened one of Gayla's emails, and her simple focus for today is:

As I become EVEN MORE aware of the unlimited power that a single loving choice
creates, I become the determiner of my life, and I choose to Enjoy the Journey!

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

I'm really looking forward to unfolding the mystery that promises to be this week!

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

Today I choose to focus on

giving myself permission

to be kind to myself

as I further explore the ways

in which I have put off the things

that most serve me.
I am gaining more knowledge...and

I will gradually digest and practice

using my focus to empower myself.

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

Sustainable motivation comes from connection to my Core;

discovering what naturally makes me feel joy and passion

When these things are all aligned, discipline becomes a non-issue

I JUST DO IT

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

I am worthy of feeling good about even the smallest steps

that I take toward an empowered way of experiencing this life
As I do this, I create EVEN MORE of the thoughts, feelings and actions that I desire

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

I want to experience

Ok bloggers, I've been away, so that's why I didn't post yesterday ... but that doesn't mean that I wasn't doing my 'soul-work'.

The latest task from Gayla's 21 Day e-COREse requires some deep thinking ... luckily it corresponded with this week's task on Rainbow Dreams!

So, here I go. I want to experience:

1. a mutually loving and respectful relationship


2. success in my business


3. a healthy lifestyle

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS ...

All that is created started with a thought

My thinking creates how I feel

My feelings create my motive

Today I choose to be motivated by empowering and loving thoughts

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

As I focus on the choices I make in my thinking

And I choose to think empowering thoughts

I quite naturally move toward a state of power.

In this state I experience my life in joy ...

and I am living on Purpose

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

I am gradually becoming EVEN MORE

aware of my past programming and beliefs

as I observe without judgment

my inner voices of fear, love and logic.

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY ...

How can I experience

even more

ACCEPTANCE

in my life

RIGHT NOW

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

Who am I?

On Day 1 of the eCOREse I practiced correct breathing to support greater clarity, calm and awareness. Today I go back to that inward place in order to integrate what I have discovered about myself so far.

There is always something to discover in every moment I give myself permission to be completely present. This practice of awareness, discovery, integration and the release of judgment is the journey that leads to the mastery of my own life purpose. There is always something to discover and that in itself is one of the many gifts of life that is so often overlooked. It is all just one big amazing mystery unfolding. Our task is to be present enough to experience it!

I am asked to breathe in instant calm and clarity. Close my eyes. And with each breath in choose a greater level of calm. With each breath out choose to release anything that might limit me from being completely in the present moment.

I imagine that I can see, hear, feel and/know myself as I am meant to be, and ask myself the question "Who am I" and write down my answers as they come.

I am:

Michelle

warm and funny, with a wicked sense of humour

a woman of great strength and compassion

committed to my continual development

comfortable in my own company

a talented writer and 'teacher'

passionate about my beliefs

inspiring and empowering

a social butterfly

a contradiction

a priestess

a goddess

happy

me

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS

Today I choose to look for the many opportunities

that are being GIVEN to me for FREE

The universe is providing me with many openings to discover the unlimited person that I am.

Today I am choosing to become more aware of the many GIFTS that are found in this PRESENT moment.

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

My Core Values

Photo taken today - the real me no make-up and bad hair day!

In order to make positive and sustainable changes in our lives, living in the ease and flow of who we naturally are, we must first understand what 'sustains' us.

What do you believe is important?

What is 'not negotiable' in your life?

I've been asked to answer the following questions as quickly and honestly as I can.

1. When all is said and done, these are the things that have real meaning to me:

• family - immediate and extended
• who I am - my integrity
• my friends
• Trinity (my fur baby)

2. I feel at my best when I am spending time with friends just being me.

3. I feel uncomfortable when I am asked to do something which is outside of my comfort zone.

4. I don't like to see people hurting.

5. I love harmony, in my family, amongst my friends, in my workplace ... I love to be surrounded by it.

6. I don't like disception, back-biting, nastiness and bullying.

7. I love hearing laughter, kind words.

8. I love feeling loved, safe, secure and happy.

9. I love seeing happiness, be it children playing, dogs running around, a couple in the street obviously in love ...

10. I love thinking about the future, and the steps I am taking to create my bliss.

11. I feel my worst when I allow myself to be put down.

12. I feel angry when I hear myself get caught up in bitchiness.

13. I don't like nastiness or bitchiness.

14. I want harmony at work and the respect of my colleagues.

15. My family life feels a little on the crazy side at times. I know have an extended family and embrace it whole-heartedly.

16. My friends, my true friends, I can count on one hand. I have other friends who are more acquaintances.

17. My current work compliments my core self in a way, but I find myself moving more towards helping people, I've always loved helping people and making them feel better about themselves.

18. I would change quite a bit. I'd like to change how I react to other people's attitudes about me - I'd like to be less 'emotional' at work. I'd like to change some perceptions so they can see the real me - this means taking down my mask.

19. I'm good at communicating, helping people realise their own potential, hiding who I am.

20. I feel happy and satisfied when I see myself genuinely helping people to realise their own potential.

21. I can see myself happily working as a life coach, author and speaker.

The one very most important thing to me is to be happy in life.

© Gayla Maxwell 2007, from her 21 Day e-COREse.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS...

Today I choose

to focus on how I feel

in the world that I have created so far.

When does it feel

like I'm living true to my core values

and where am I still to get into alignment

with my natural flow.

© Gayla Maxwell 2007. Author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS...

Clearing myself of

unnecessary judgment

allows me to move with ease,

flow, and clarity of purpose.

This is the beginning of

finding my CORE motivation.

----------------

Nothing has real meaning

Only the meaning

I have decided to give to it

© Gayla Maxwell 2007. Author of Permission to Dance…one step at a time.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS...

In my awareness

I create the power to magnify

what is working for me

and release what is holding me back!

IT IS A CHOICE

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY IS...

Today I choose

to focus on being more aware

of what easily inspires feelings
that I enjoy like happiness, love, connection
and also what provokes feelings that I do not like.

MY SIMPLE FOCUS FOR TODAY...

It is in my efforts to practice,

every day, and especially in the moments

when I am experiencing struggle,

that I discover the freedom,

the strength and the successes

that is my deepest desire ...